we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize