I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is my gift to your gina
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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