My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
