You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
