I bet he comes in French.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
