Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
