I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
