I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish you could order shots online.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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