After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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