just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I color on your dick again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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