An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
