I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
