why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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