I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
