discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
