How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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