I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
