if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
