I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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