There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
