So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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