Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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