i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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