ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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