Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
