Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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