Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize