Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize