I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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