M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
