I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
