Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
