she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
