i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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