First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
