Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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