i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
