He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize