she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
