I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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