someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
