It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
