Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
