Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
