i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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