we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
