That's intense
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
