some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
