Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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