I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
