Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
