I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
