I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
