I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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