She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
