She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize