ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
