He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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