i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
