Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just pee around me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
