Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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