yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
