So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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