What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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