you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize