Do you still have your period?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize