Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
