It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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