Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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