I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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