i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
