what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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