Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
