I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
