i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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