Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
