I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
