he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
