i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
40s are totally the cure
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I want is dick and wine.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
