I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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