At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
