Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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