This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
