After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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