i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
