Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
