i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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