Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
