So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
