i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
