I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
