either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
