apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
