Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My pussy is not your playground.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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