how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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