so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
