He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
