What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
