I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize