Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
