Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
