you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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