Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
