please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
