office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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