I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
